The Misconception Of Self-Care

December 15, 2021

Following a podcast of one of my favorite marketing guru, Tad Hargrave, he introduced the idea of the myth of Self-Care. After reflection and observation working with my client, it is clear to me that this can be very true. We have been made to believe that to be successful, to achieve our goals, fulfill our needs, or better take care of ourselves, we have to do it alone. It is expected that if we are strong, warriors, independents, we do not need anyone else, and we should know what to do. Self-Care?

Here are two thoughts on this, from my point of view. 

The first is, that we humans are not meant to self-regulate, we are born to co-regulate. We need others for support, creativity, and feeling part of the whole. By aligning with others our energy finds its balance and then we can better expand our field of energy and thrive in our day-to-day. This is part of self-care. 

The other one that resonates deeply with me is that when I am asked for help, support, or participation in a project, I feel good about myself.  I feel needed, and I feel I have a purpose. What I believe is when I don’t ask for help, I take these same feelings away from someone else. I do not invite them to be the best that they can, to feel that they have served with purpose. When I support others, I then feel good about my intention and that boosts my love, compassion for others and myself. That is also part of Self-Care. 

We have the potential for powerful healing when we get really vulnerable and ask for care from our community rather than trying to do it all alone. Our vulnerability of need contains the gift of bringing people together as a community when we're having a hard time, rather than isolating ourselves into "self-reliance," during times of great difficulty or conflict. Self-care includes eating well, good sleep, exercise but also it includes sharing your love and energy. The studies on the vagal nerve, the nerve that regulates the nervous system, clearly indicate the need for social engagement to be able to thrive physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Know that you are not alone at any time, and asking for support, or help, can feel very vulnerable, but at the same time teaches us to move beyond our comfort zone, and it then becomes easier for the next time.

“The body holds questions that the mind doesn’t even know to ask.”

— Erica Hornthal